Left Home - the other side of the voyage is not voyaging at all

Left home and left out. It's been a long time, not that nothing has happened - my life feels like a drama - but nothing to write about, or perhaps I just lack the ability to make my experiences coherent in English. I'm motivated now by lack of Bill. He's gone to Florida to settle my mom into the apartment for the winter, as we promised her. She loves it already. He's helping her find her way around the community and get to banking and shopping by bus. He helped her get her community ID card, and got her started on her social circle by driving her around to visit people. My mother's apparently in love with him. She is planning to visit an old friend, who's dying. This is not somebody Bill or I ever met or spoke to, but she thinks it would be just fine if he came in with her on her visit. "He can chat with her husband." This is really about her own interests - she wants to show him off, and she wants him there on the spot when she's ready to leave. I have urged him not to impose the presence of stranger in the home of a dying woman. The outcome probably depends on whether there's cake in the house of the dying. I'll find out later.
So he's with mom, getting along with her as I never have. Last night he called me from the restaurant where they were having dinner (in Florida, my mother MUST eat dinner at 4:30). It seems that, halfway through a turkey wrap, my mother notice a horse and carriage go by (they were downtown, in the charming part of town) and it triggered memories in her. She told Bill about how my father took her out to a nightclub, and afterward they went for a ride in a horse-drawn carriage, and that was where he proposed to her. How come she chose to tell this story to Bill? Why did I hear it for the first time from him, instead of her, and why so late in life? So distant from my mother and my husband, I realize how intensely I miss having a meaningful mother-daughter relationship. For a lifetime, our exchanges have been angry and critical. She relaxes and opens up with Bill (as I do) as she never did with me. I am terrified that my relationship with Leah mimics my relationship with my mother. I know it leaks through, I hear myself saying to her some of the things my mother said to me; I hear hostility in her voice sometimes (much more controlled than mine) but I plug along hoping for the best. I love her so much. Could she be as angry at me as I am with my mother?
I've been sick with a terrible cold. I'm sure that if I felt better, well, I don't know what I'd do if I were better. There's no point running off to Florida, Bill will be back Friday, and after all - he only left on Tuesday! I miss, miss, miss him, and I'm so jealous of his easy relations with my mother. I should have gone with them. Of course, that would have entirely changed the nature of their shared visit. Had I gone, I would have nothing to envy. I can't wait for him to come home and make me feel normal again.